Indian-American Marriages Are Now Interracial or Inter-Faith

Almost 80 Percent Indian-American Marriages Are Now Interracial or Inter-Faith- Courtesy: INDIA NEW ENGLAND NEWS

WALTHAM, MA—It is now official: Almost 80 percent of Indian-American marriages are now interracial, intercultural and interfaith in the United States, and more so in New England.

 SHOBHA SHASTRY: PHOTO: JAY SRINIVASAN

Indian-American weddings, which were mostly homogeneous about 20 years ago, are also seeing the death of arranged marriages.

 PHOTO BY DYUTI MAJUMDAR

“Inter-faith marriages are the new norms,” said Upendra Mishra, publisher of INDIA New England News and the producer of the 15th edition of INDIA New England Wedding Expo on April 15 at Burlington Marriott Hotel in Burlington, MA. “Thus, we have themed our upcoming bridal expo as Fusion Wedding this year. This is the time to say good bye to homogeneous Indian weddings and embrace interfaith marriages.”

Shobha Shastry, founder and CEO of Alankar Event Planners & Decorators, who has provided wedding services and decorations in New England for two decades, said the number of interracial or interfaith marriages among Indian-Americans has doubled during the last 10 years.

“Only about 40 percent of the Indian-Americans weddings were interracial 10 years ago. Now they are almost 80 percent,” Shastry told INDIA New England News. “Twenty years ago, only 15 percent Indian-American marriages were interracial or interfaith.”

Shastry said that most Indian-Americans in wedding age group kids who grew up in the United States, went to school here, met someone in high school or college and they want to marry someone they know. It also indicates the death of arranged marriages in the United States.

“There has been a great awareness of Indian culture, religion and values among the non-Indian communities and there is now much more acceptance of Indian-Americans into the American families and vice versa,” Shastry said. “In the medical profession, the interracial marriage is the most common.”

How are the interracial and interfaith marriages are doing?

Although there is not much data available because it is a relatively new trend, Shastry said interracial marriages are doing great.

“The success rate of interracial marriages are very high,” Shastry said.

The number of intermarried—be it interracial, intercultural or interfaith—couples has nearly tripled in the United States since 1967, with Asian and Hispanic newlyweds being the most likely to be intermarried, according to the Pew Center.

In the Boston-Cambridge-Newton metro area alone, 14 percent of couples are intermarried, 28 percent of these couple are of Asian descent. With these numbers growing steadily and societal attitudes growing more positive regarding intermarriage, more and more wedding will “fuse” the many traditions that the couples come from, be it from India or Ireland.

Learn more about the interracial marriages at the INDIA New England Spring Wedding Expo on April 15 at Burlington Marriott Hotel in Burlington, MA. The event is free to all attendees, but you must pre-register. To register for free, please click here.

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Bill Gates daughter is dating a Muslim guy

The more we integrate, the less the barriers there would be. Ultimately, individuals marry individuals and not religions. George Clooney married Amal - Jenet Jackson, Rihanna, Mariah Carey, Rita Hayworth... and so many more.

America is the most free nation on the earth, parents trust their kids to find their own life partners. America is also the least prejudiced nation on the earth. Nearly 40% of the weddings by Muslims and Hindus marry outside their faiths, and nearly 50% of Jews outside their faith and 50% of Christians outside their denominations or faiths. 

Mike Ghouse
Interfaith Marriages officiant
Washington, DC
-----
Bill Gates Daughter Jennifer Katharine Gates, is dating a Muslim guy and aims to Marry and labels him as one perfect guy for her on Social Media.

Jennifer Katharine Gates is a 21 years old daughter of Bill Gates, who is the founder of Microsoft and world’s richest man. She is currently studying at the Standford University and dating a Muslim Guy named Nayel Nassar, who is 26 years old.

Who is Nayel Nassar? Nayel Nassar is an Egyptian guy, who is not just famous for dating a multi billion guy’s daughter but he has his own achievements as well. Nayel Nassar is a professional Egyptian horse rider and furthermore, he is also given the title of the “Biggest Breakout” in the WorldCup Qualifier.

Jennifer Katharine Gates and Nayel Nassar Love Life

Le Parisien, a French magazine has recently confirmed that Nayel Nassar and Jennifer Katharine Gates are dating each other for months ago and soon will be marrying in a private ceremony.

READ  Indonesian Qari Died During Recitation of Quran In An Live Event
Below are the Social Media posts attached to the Bill Gates daughter, Jennifer Katharine Gates where both of them can be seen together on different occasions and in different parts of the world.

This one's for the Arabs on Twitter: Bill Gates' daughter Jennifer Gates is dating an Arab bloke, Egyptian Nayel Nasser

Bill Gates Daughter to Marry a Muslim Man

According to a report, both of them, Nayel Nassar and Jennifer Katharine Gates are getting engaged and will be marrying each other by the next year.

This is not the first time that the western celebrity girls have fallen for Muslim men. Jenet Jackson, Rihanna, Mariah Carey and now her are dating Arab Men, it can be seen easily all over the internet that Janet Jackson is married to a Muslim Man, who is a business Tycoon.Who is Nayel Nassar? Nayel Nassar is an Egyptian guy, who is not just famous for dating a multi billion guy’s daughter but he has his own achievements as well. Nayel Nassar is a professional Egyptian horse rider and furthermore, he is also given the title of the “Biggest Breakout” in the WorldCup Qualifier.

 https://youtu.be/Hj9OdVC-6mE

Nayel Nassar recently spotted having a great time with Bill Gates and her Daughter in this video;

Courtesy - Islamic Information 

Welcome to Interfaith Marriages

Marriage is indeed an expression of a commitment to the relationship between two individuals.  The men and women who take the bold step to become one regardless of their origins, faiths, races and ethnicities must be applauded. They are setting an example of how to live in harmony.

What is it that God really wants? He wants nothing more than harmony in his creation. Because he created everything in balance he expects us to preserve it or restore it when it is off.

The following (one) paragraph is applicable to Muslims, and Muslim women in particular.

Can a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man?
It is a 1400 year old question and I have prepared an extensive well referenced response to it. When we separate culture from religion we see the point.  I am passing it through a few Muslim Scholars – not to agree but to critique and develop it further. God loves harmony and says that he has created couples and has filled their hearts with love for each other.

Look at the universe, everything is programmed precisely! The moon revolves around the earth and the earth goes around the sun decisively. The seasons are programmed and the plants and animals have a determined cycle of birth and death. Within the human body, different organs work cohesively for a normal functioning (with of course built in anomalies) of the body. However, he did not program us how to relate with each other and live with each other. He gave us complete freedom to chart our own course of harmony with the other.  God is happiest when two people can rise above their differences and live in harmony.

Interfaith marriages are becoming the new norm of the society. In a few years one out of two marriages would be of interfaith. Yes, this is across the board, whether you are a Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Christian, Sikh, Baha’i or the other. According to the Pew survey, 40% of people of faiths will be marrying a person of another faith, it is higher among Jews, its 50%.

I am blessed to have officiated ceremonies for Jewish-Christian, Hindu-Christian, Bahai-Jewish, Hindu-Jewish, Atheist-Jain, and several other combinations. Being a Muslim, I am pleased to have officiated weddings for Muslims in a variety of combinations; Muslim-Christian,  Muslim-Jewish, Muslim-Hindu, Muslim-Mormon, Muslim-Sikh, Muslim-Jain, Muslim-Buddhist and Muslim and an Atheist.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

• Initial conversation with wedding Officiant.
• The Bride and Groom express their desire to get married out of free will.
• A conversation about the differences and how they would handle.
• The Bride/ Groom can share a part of their social, religious or cultural tradition
• The Bride and Groom can create their own new tradition or enhance the existing one
• A draft outline of the ceremony will be prepared by the Officiant.
• The bride and groom will review and modify the outlines to suit their wants and needs.
• Officiant will perform the wedding ceremony per agreed outline.
• Wedding will start on time and close on time.

THE CEREMONY

The Ceremony will be based on the process worked out between the couple and the officiant.

1. Interfaith greetings to include people of different faith traditions
2. Appreciating the bold steps the bride and groom have taken to respect the otherness of other
3. Acceptance of each other as his/her spouse
4. Exchange of Rings
5. Pronouncement as husband and wife
6. Signing the marriage registration papers
7. A short customized Sermon to fit the tradition(s) chosen by the Bridge and Groom
8. Prayer ( again from one or two traditions)
9. Other rituals
   1. Sand ceremony
   2. Hand Holding
   3. Vows
   4. Personalized one
   5. Others

The marriage is between two individuals and the family’s support and cheers are important.  I will be happy to talk with parents or guardians, if they are reluctant.

DISAPPOINTMENTS

It is disappointing to the potential brides and grooms that their clergy or a parent invariably insists on the other person to convert to their faith tradition, some do, and some fake it and some are not comfortable with the idea at all.

When a couple is deeply committed to marry, they go ahead and get married any way but sorely miss out on the ceremony. Over the years, I have seen too many couples miss out on the joy of that additional sense of completeness that comes with a religious ceremony. Marriage is between two individuals, and their families and friends ought to be supporters and cheerleaders to celebrate and complete their joy.

As a Pluralist, I have chosen to officiate the weddings of such couples to reflect the essence of Bride and Groom’s religious and cultural traditions. I laud such couples who embrace genuine humanity by respecting the otherness of other, and accepting each other’s uniqueness. If the couple prefers to give that little extra joy to the religiosity of their parents, relatives and friends, the sermon would include reflections and essence of the faiths of the couple.

I am blessed to have performed some uniquely beautiful combination of weddings; Jewish Bride and a Christian groom; Muslim bride and Jain groom, Hindu Bride and Muslim groom, Christians Bride and Atheist groom….. it was such a joy to see their families cheer at the end.

God is nothing but the cause that created everything we see, feel, smell, think, see and enjoy. People of religion call him by various names and those who do not subscribe to the idea of God don’t have to call anything.

——

Mike Ghouse is a member of the American Marriage Ministries, a non-profit established in Washington State in 2009.

“We provide all people the ability to celebrate marriage and other religious functions according to their beliefs. We believe that this is an innate human right and is also protected by the 1st Amendment. Our values come from the understanding that all people, whether religious or not, have deep personal values and should be treated with respect, acceptance, and understanding.”

Marriage is a celebration that brings people together, and we want to extend that ethos further by being a church comprised of a wide cross-section of people that have found common ground in the service of bringing people together.

To begin, the legal dimension to officiating a wedding simply involves completing a piece of paper, the marriage license. The marriage license is the legal document of marriage. It is filed for by the couple from their local government prior to the wedding.

The role of the minister is to conduct the wedding, have the couple present their marriage license, make sure that the information is correct, and complete the license. The couple then returns the completed license back to its office of issuance.

Personally, Mike is committed to building a Cohesive America and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day. He is a professional speaker, thinker and a writer on pluralism, interfaith, politics and civic affairs.

---

The Creator* has created everything in balance and harmony,  and every element of the universe is interconnected and interdependent. Chief Seattle, a Native American said this perfectly, “All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does it to himself.”

What does God want? He wants to see that his creation remains intact and functions smoothly. He has programmed the moon to go around the earth in unbelievable precision, and the earth has been going around the Sun for millions of years. The change of seasons, the power of light, and the need for darkness is all programmed and works together.

Even the human (or animal) body functions cohesively, each organ plays its part for the normal functioning of the body. However what is not programmed is our attitudes and behavior.  Each one of us is unique with our own thumb print, eye print, taste buds and DNA, and that uniqueness creates conflict in three areas; one’s space, sustenance and nurturence.

God loves us, like a mother loves her children, teacher loves her students, and as a chef loves his patrons,  he gives us the guidance (religion or common sense) to restore that equilibrium, that is all he wants and nothing more.

—

Marriage

God loves harmony between humans and his creation, and marriage enhances that harmony. Some day we may find out what attracts a man to a woman or vice-versa, like a magnet two individuals come together to be one with each other.  Religion, region or race become secondary when two people fall in love with each other. This is what God loves, two people becoming a source of harmony and happiness to each other.

Mike is a frequent guest on Sean Hannity show on Fox TV, and a commentator on national radio networks, he contributes weekly to the Texas Faith Column at Dallas Morning News and regularly at Huffington post, and several periodicals across the world. The blog www.TheGhousediary.com is updated daily. Two books are poised to be released this year on Pluralism in America, and Americans Together building a cohesive America. Details at www.MikeGhouse.net

Two interfaith weddings on News Years day

Today, I officiated two interfaith weddings – between a Palestinian Muslim and a Lebanese Christian, and British Atheist and a Mexican Christian. The second wedding was a surprise, last minute call, literally last minute call; friends of friends. There have been many Jewish-Muslim, Muslim-Hindu and other combinations. I had to learn a lot to officiate Christian-Jewish and Christian-Hindu weddings. 

What the couples have chosen to do must be admired by one and all, in this divisive world, where people have difficulty in agreeing, difficulty in getting along – they are setting a new standard – of accepting and respecting the God-given uniqueness of each other. 

About 40% of wedding in the US are interfaith weddings and a new report just came out - 22% of weddings are interracial. 

The day is not far when there will not even be a mention of these, as the interfaith and inter-racial weddings become routine. Do you remember the days when most everyone glanced or stared at inter-racial couples? If you thought inter-racial means black and white, then you have ways to go to understand the phrase.

Years ago, a good friend’s daughter’s wedding was a disappointment – they went ahead and carried forward with the wedding without Muslim and Christian clergy, I am sure they missed a critical part of marriage – to experience what they have seen a marriage to be while growing up.  That prompted me to officiate the weddings to bring a sense of completion to the couples in interfaith weddings. 

I love the emotion and love flowing between two people while officiating the wedding, they look so beautiful. 

More at http://interfaithmarriages.blogspot.com/

Thank you
mike
Mike Ghouse
(214) 325-1916 text/talk
...............................................................................................................................
Mike Ghouse is a public speaker, thinker, writer and a commentator on Pluralism at work place, politics, religion, society, gender, race, culture, ethnicity, food and foreign policy. He is a staunch defender of human rights and his book standing up for others will be out soon, and a movie "Americans together" is in the making.  He is a frequent guest commentator on Fox News and syndicated Talk Radio shows and a writer at major news papers including Dallas Morning News and Huffington Post. All about him is listed in 63 links atwww.MikeGhouse.net and his writings are atwww.TheGhousediary.com and 10 other blogs. He is committed to building cohesive societies and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day.

Two interfaith weddings on News Years day

Today, I officiated two interfaith weddings – between a Palestinian Muslim and a Lebanese Christian, and British Atheist and a Mexican Christian. The second wedding was a surprise, last minute call, literally last minute call; friends of friends. There have been many Jewish-Muslim, Muslim-Hindu and other combinations. I had to learn a lot to officiate Christian-Jewish and Christian-Hindu weddings.

What the couples have chosen to do must be admired by one and all, in this divisive world, where people have difficulty in agreeing, difficulty in getting along – they are setting a new standard – of accepting and respecting the God-given uniqueness of each other.

About 40% of wedding in the US are interfaith weddings and a new report just came out - 22% of weddings are interracial. 

The day is not far when there will not even be a mention of these, as the interfaith and inter-racial weddings become routine. Do you remember the days when most everyone glanced or stared at inter-racial couples? If you thought inter-racial means black and white, then you have ways to go to understand the phrase.

Years ago, a good friend’s daughter’s wedding was a disappointment – they went ahead and carried forward with the wedding without Muslim and Christian clergy, I am sure they missed a critical part of marriage – to experience what they have seen a marriage to be while growing up.  That prompted me to officiate the weddings to bring a sense of completion to the couples in interfaith weddings.

I love the emotion and love flowing between two people while officiating the wedding, they look so beautiful. 

More at http://interfaithmarriages.blogspot.com/

Thank you
mike
Mike Ghouse
(214) 325-1916 text/talk
...............................................................................................................................
Mike Ghouse is a public speaker, thinker, writer and a commentator on Pluralism at work place, politics, religion, society, gender, race, culture, ethnicity, food and foreign policy. He is a staunch defender of human rights and his book standing up for others will be out soon, and a movie "Americans together" is in the making.  He is a frequent guest commentator on Fox News and syndicated Talk Radio shows and a writer at major news papers including Dallas Morning News and Huffington Post. All about him is listed in 63 links at www.MikeGhouse.net and his writings are at www.TheGhousediary.com and 10 other blogs. He is committed to building cohesive societies and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day.

31 Ways To Know You're In The Right Relationship

A good piece!
Good signs of knowing the relationship

Mike Ghouse

 
Courtesy of Huffington Post

 margaret.johnson@huffingtonpost.com

 

As anyone living in the age of depressing divorce rates knows, a happy long-term couple is almost like a unicorn: If by some miracle you encounter it, you can't stop staring, and you have a feeling no one will ever believe you when you tell them you saw it.

The Internet is filled with articles on how to decide when to end it, how to recognize when your relationship is toxic, codependent, one-sided, stagnant, asexual, manipulative. But we don't talk all that often about what defines a happy relationship. Picture it: You're dating someone new. You're waiting to feel the toxic stagnant codependency. Where is it? Months go by. Still nothing. At some point a corner of your brain dares register the thought: Could this be one of those? Could I actually be happy?
To help you answer that question, you lucky thing, here's a completely unscientific list of 31 ways to know you're in the right relationship:

You don't...

1. Fear it.
If you're afraid of commitment, best to work that out before you put yourself in a situation where it's hoped you'll eventually commit.

2. Hide anything more significant than a surprise party from each other.
That includes exes, cheating, debt, STDs, chronic illness, felonies, whether you want a marriage and/or children, genetic abnormalities (if you both want kids), a strong desire to live somewhere else, professional failures and successes, doubts about your sexual orientation, a strong preference for un-vanilla sex.
The truth will come out, and if you're with someone you feel the need to conceal any of this from, he or she probably isn't right.

3. Snoop.
If no one's hiding anything, why are you looking? Going through your significant other's email, phone, Facebook account, or journal strongly indicates that you don't trust the person you're with. You're also violating his or her trust in you.

4. Hide the relationship from other people in your life.
If you're unwilling to introduce the person you're dating at appropriate junctures to the most important people in your life, that's usually a bright, flapping red flag.
In general, if you have a good thing going, you can't wait for him or her to meet your friends, siblings, parents, the guy at the deli, and you wouldn't have any qualms about presenting this person to professional acquaintances, people you knew in college, family friends, even your ex.

5. Think you're superior.
If you feel that your significant other is your inferior in any way you know matters to you in a mate -- morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally -- you're never going to respect him or her as much as you hope to be respected.
The best relationships make you feel that you've convinced a person more exceptional than you to love you.

6. Resent the other person's success.
Professional jealousy can be as poisonous to a relationship as constantly thinking he or she is flirting with your best friend. It also suggests that you're spending a lot of time comparing yourself to a person you supposedly adore, rather than sitting back and marveling at how amazing he or she is. In a good relationship, you quit (or refuse to ever engage in) the one-upmanship.

7. Let any substance or behavior come before the relationship.
Any addict or over-user of a substance or behavior is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more.

8. Stew.
When something the other person does annoys you or turns you off, you don't push it to the back of your mind and hope it will go away, because it won't. You bring it up in the moment or sometime in the next 24 hours.

9. Damage property, animals, children or each other during an argument.
You think this goes without saying until you read something like this New York Times "Modern Love" and realize that human beings can rationalize staying with someone who leaves holes in their walls.
On the other hand, if you damage a vase or two in the heat of a different kind of passion, totally fine.

10. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people.
You know which conversations you shouldn't be having at brunch with friends.

11. Depend on each other for things no one can or should supply.
If you're looking to your significant other to resolve your emotional issues, make you more responsible/successful/adult, support you financially, improve your social standing, expand your group of friends, provide you with the family you never had, or make your parents finally accept you, it's possible you shouldn't be in a relationship at all, or at least not yet.

12. Begrudge each other time with your respective friends.
You can't be everything to your significant other, and why would you want to be? Sounds exhausting. Friends enrich your life, will accompany you to do things that your significant other may not enjoy, and keep you from getting tired of the person you're seeing.
Besides, if the relationship doesn't work out, those friends going to be the ones coming over to your house, dragging you out of bed and helping you rejoin humanity. Be good to them.

13. Lose Yourself
This is easier said than done, especially when the relationship is going really well. As tempting as it is to never leave the house (maybe never leave the bed), you keep doing the work, exercise, volunteering, socializing, networking, and daughtering you were doing before. Remember, these things made you the person Your Person fell in love with. They're part of you. Don't give them up for anyone. You can't afford it.

14. Have a secret plan B.
If you're where you need to be, the following thoughts don't cross your mind: "Maybe he'll dump me," or "If my ex moves back from Mongolia, everything could change."

15. Have much drama.
You know the cliche: The person worth your tears won't make you cry. Usually.
You do...

16. Put it all on the line.
If you're not risking having your heart broken, you're not doing it right.

17. Respect the people he or she is closest to.

You don't have to love them, but you should think they are honest and moral and have integrity. Want to know you're with a good person? Look to the people he or she thinks are good people.

18. Inspire each other to be better.
A good relationship is galvanizing, not in the oh-my-god-I-met-this-amazing-person-I'd-better-hurry-up-and-fix-myself sense (thought there's probably a little of that when you first start seeing anyone amazing) but in the way that knowing someone else believes in you makes you believe in yourself that much more. You want to prove yourself worthy of his or her confidence.

19. Humble yourselves.
You know you can't hide your flaws for long, so you don't try. You recognize that this person is going to have to take you as you are, as foolish or charitable (or both) as that may seem to make him or her. You know you're both going to mess up endless times and have to apologize and be forgiven and forgive. You'll wonder if one of the bigger mistakes is the one that will end it, and you'll have to prove to one another that the relationship transcends that. You recognize that you signed up for all of this.

20. Talk about sex.
Most couples don't instinctively know all of the ways to please each other. You have to talk about -- or at least show -- what you want. If you don't know what you want, you need to figure that out, STAT (step 1? Get thee to Babeland). And after you have talked about it, you do it. Better.

21. Talk about the rest.
The same things you're not supposed to talk about on a blind date -- religion, money, politics, kids -- are things you should discuss with someone you're serious about. What? You just remembered that thing you need to do? Get back here. No one said this was going to be painless. They said it was going to be hard and awesome.

22. Fight.
If you agree on everything, someone's not telling the truth. See #2 and #8.

23. Have times when you don't talk.
Not because you're angry with each other but because you can be quiet together. When you find yourself with silences you don't need to fill, when you find you can just walk along or lie about or work side by side and feel together without needing to verbally affirm that, you've got a good thing going.

24. Have object permanence.
Child psychologist Jean Piaget theorized that when babies get to be 8 or 9 months old, they begin to develop "object permanence," the idea that an object doesn't vanish when they can no longer see it.
In a good adult relationship, you know that you can go out into the world and do your thing, and the bond you've formed with the person you care about will be there when you get back.
This is also known as trust.

25. Take care of your body.
You know that you won't enjoy sharing it with someone else if you don't like, respect, and nurture it. Your partner feels the same way.

26. Divide and conquer.
You're not identical, thank god, which probably means you have certain strengths and he or she has others. Someone is more organized, someone is more outgoing, someone is a born listener. Someone is better with money, someone is more creative. Someone is more adventurous in bed.
If you each play to your strengths, you in all likelihood remember a gift (possibly an inspired one), your home(s) look(s) great, the bills get paid on time, sex is endlessly fun, and you leave everyone at the party thoroughly charmed.

27. Remember to look at each other across the room.
There's nothing more reassuring (or sexier) than glancing up from the interminable conversation with your eighth cousin or the head of operations or the report you can't seem to finish and locking eyes with Your Person and remembering that by some quantity of luck neither of you may deserve, you found each other.

28. Observe.
You notice when the other person is about to lose it, needs to leave even if you've been there only 20 minutes, is talking to someone he or she can't stand, did something he or she feels guilty about, is silently berating himself or herself, is ruminating over the thing his or her boss said, is about to spend an insane amount of money, and best of all, about to crack up in a situation where he or she shouldn't. You pay attention because you care, and because that's the good stuff.

29. Make time.
You realize that if this is it, one of you is going to be around some distant day in the future to lose the other. In that moment, you will not regret not checking your email in this one.

30. Occasionally get over yourself and your cynicism and fear of cliche and do something deeply, unapologetically romantic.

You send the flowers, have the book signed by the author, request the song, write the note, have the damned thing (tastefully) engraved. You call the other person and tell him or her that specific thing he or she did this morning that made you fall that much more in love. When you're not expecting it, he or she dares to say, even though we all know there are no guarantees ever, "When we're X age, want to Y?"

31. Just know.
Reader, marry that.
How do you know when you're in the right relationship? Tweet your thoughts @HuffPostWomen using #marrythat, and we'll include them the slideshow below.

Seven things you don't know about interfaith marriage

I will be posting pieces on interfaith marriages, as I continue to cherish the couples who respect the otherness of others, and continue to conduct weddings for people of all faiths or no faith with sermons to satisfy their own tradition.

Mike Ghouse

Seven things you don't know about interfaith marriage

By Naomi Schaefer Riley

Published April 19, 2013

FoxNews.com
In July 2010, I commissioned a nationally representative survey of 2,500 people, including an oversample of people in interfaith marriages. 

I asked respondents about how old they were when they married, how they were raising their children, how they felt about members of other faiths, how often they attended religious services, and how welcoming they thought their religious communities were to interfaith families, along with dozens of other questions.

The results--combined with interviews I conducted with members of interfaith couples, religious leaders, marriage counselors and academic researchers--appear in my new book "'Til Faith Do Us Part: How Interfaith Marriage is Transforming America." 

Marrying someone of another faith makes you more likely to have a positive impression of that faith as a whole

Here are some highlights:

1. Forty-two percent of marriages in the U.S. are interfaith ones. Marriages between people of two different religions are becoming more common in every area of the country, and for men and women regardless of educational status or income level.  

2. Couples in interfaith marriages are, on average, less happy than same-faith ones. In certain faith-combinations they are more likely to divorce. While roughly a third of all evangelicals’ marriages end up in divorce, that climbs to nearly half for marriages between evangelicals and non-evangelicals. It is especially high for evangelicals married to someone with no religion--61%.

3. Jews are the most likely to marry out and Mormons are the least likely. Muslims, Catholics and Protestants fall somewhere in the middle. As many as 1 in 5 Muslims marries someone of another faith. This seems to be a major driver of the assimilation of American Muslims.

4. Children of interfaith couples are more than twice as likely to adopt the faith of their mother as the faith of their father. Which is not surprising when you think about it. In America, anyway, mothers are typically the ones in charge of family religious practice--they are more likely to attend church, read the Bible and shuttle children to religious school.

5. A quarter of couples in same-faith marriages actually started off in different faith ones. This suggests not only that religion in America is remarkably fluid, but also that spouses can have a powerful influence over one's spiritual choices.

6. The older you are, the more likely you are to marry outside of the faith--67% of people who marry between 36 and 45 are in interfaith marriages. 

As we put off marriage, the time between when we leave our parents home and start our own families grows, and so often does our time away from religious institutions and practice. 

By the time we settle down we may not think of ourselves as particularly religious anymore and we may not consider faith much of an issue in picking a partner.

7. Marrying someone of another faith makes you more likely to have a positive impression of that faith as a whole. And it's not just the couple themselves that is affected. 

Other researchers have found that any kind of contact Americans have with someone of another faith is likely to lead to warmer feelings toward that faith. And so the contact that occurs through an extended family connection is also likely to have this effect.

 

What does it take to have a better relationship

SIX TOXIC RELATIONSHIP HABITS

No matter how much couples argue and fight, their underlying bottom line for the exercise is to improve their relationship, but sometimes they choose the wrong words and make it worse.  Please take the time to do this exercise.  
Whether you are married or not, or considering exit-ing from the relationship, the following piece is good to read and reflect. It is a good idea to discuss this with your loved ones, and see if the shoe fits you, if it does, the genuine dialogue will help you correct the flaws in the communications and strengthen the commitment for each other.

If you have difficulty in communicating - that is listening and understanding what the other is saying, get a friend to be the referee for at least a few points or pay a counselor to do this for you. The investment is worth it, it is worth saving and or nurturing the relationship. 

Ask yourselves, are the words I am using go towards building the relationship or tearing it down? You know the answer and you can practice the words that will do what you really want: a good relationship.

I wish you the very best in your relationships.
 
URL - http://interfaithmarriages.blogspot.com/2013/08/what-does-it-take-to-have-better.html

Mike Ghouse, Interfaith Marriage officianthttp://interfaithmarriages.blogspot.com

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6 Toxic relationship habits that most people think are normal
By Mark Manson

There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be.
But when it comes down to actually handling the nitty-gritty of relationships, we’re given no pointers… or worse, we’re given advice columns in women’s magazines.

Yes, it’s trial-and-error from the get-go. And if you’re like most people, it’s been mostly error.

But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities. Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify the relationships they’re in. Thus our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.

A lot of the self help literature out there isn’t helpful either (no, men and women are notfrom different planets, you over-generalizing prick.) And for most of us, mom and dad surely weren’t the best examples either.

Fortunately, there’s been a lot of psychological research into healthy and happy relationships the past few decades and there are some general principles that keep popping up consistently that most people are unaware of or don’t follow. In fact, some of these principles actually go against what is traditionally considered “romantic” or normal in a relationship.

Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear. Get the tissues ready.

1. The Relationship Scorecard

fights-in-a-relationshipWhat It Is: The “keeping score” phenomenon is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes you made in the relationship. If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call “the relationship scorecard,” where it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more.



You were an asshole at Cynthia’s 28th birthday party back in 2010 and it has proceeded to ruin your life ever since. Why? Because there’s not a week that goes by that you’re not reminded of it. But that’s OK, because that time you caught her sending flirtatious text messages to her co-worker immediately removes her right to get jealous, so it’s kind of even, right?

Wrong.

Why It’s Toxic: The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness. This is a double-whammy of suckage. Not only are you deflecting the current issue itself, but you’re ginning up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate your partner into feeling wrong in the present.

If this goes on long enough, both partners eventually spend most of their energy trying to prove that they’re less culpable than the other rather than solving the current problem. People spend all of their time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other.

What You Should Do Instead: Deal with issues individually unless they are legitimately connected. If someone habitually cheats, then that’s obviously a recurring problem. But the fact that she embarrassed you in 2010 and now she got sad and ignored you today in 2013 have nothing to do with each other, so don’t bring it up.

You must recognize that by choosing to be with your significant other, you are choosing to be with all of their prior actions and behaviors. If you don’t accept those, then ultimately, you are not accepting them. If something bothered you that much a year ago, you should have dealt with it a year ago.

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2. Dropping “Hints” and Other Passive-Aggression

What It Is: Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them.

Why It’s Toxic: Because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. A person will never feel a need to drop “hints” if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for it.

What You Should Do Instead: State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support. If they love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it.

3. Holding the Relationship Hostage

What It Is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. For instance, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me all of the time.

Why It’s Toxic: It’s emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself. Otherwise people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which leads to an environment of distrust and manipulation.

What You Should Do Instead: It’s fine to get upset at your partner or to not like something about them. That’s called being a normal human being. But understand that committing to a person and always liking a person are not the same thing. One can be committed to someone and not like everything about them. One can be eternally devoted to someone yet actually be annoyed or angered by their partner at times. On the contrary, two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism towards one another only without judgment or blackmail will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long-run.

4. Blaming Your Partner For Your Own Emotions

What It Is: Let’s say you’re having a crappy day and your partner isn’t exactly being super sympathetic or supportive at the moment. They’ve been on the phone all day with some people from work. They got distracted when you hugged them. You want to lay around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, but they have plans to go out and see their friends.

So you lash out them for being so insensitive and callous toward you. You’ve been having a shitty day and they have done nothing about it. Sure, you never asked, but they should just know to make you feel better. They should have gotten off the phone and ditched their plans based on your lousy emotional state.

Why It’s Toxic: Blaming our partners for our emotions is a subtle form of selfishness, and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice-versa), then will develop codependent tendencies. Suddenly, they’re not allowed to plan activities without checking with you first. All activities at home — even the mundane such as reading books or watching TV — must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better.

The biggest problem of developing these codependent tendencies is that they breed resentment. Sure, if my girlfriend gets mad at me once because she’s had a shitty day and is frustrated and needs attention, that’s understandable. But if it becomes an expectation that my life revolves around her emotional well-being at all times, then I’m soon going to become very bitter and even manipulative towards her feelings and desires.

What You Should Do Instead: Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. There’s a subtle yet important difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner. Any sacrifices should be made as an autonomous choice and not seen as an expectation. As soon as both people in a relationship become culpable for each other’s moods and downswings, it gives them both incentives to hide their true feelings and manipulate one another.


5. Displays of “Loving” Jealousy

What It Is: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, flirts, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behavior. This often leads to insano behaviors such as hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through their text messages while they’re in the shower or even following them around town and showing up unannounced when they’re not expecting you.

Why It’s Toxic: It surprises me that some people describe this as some sort of display of affection. They figure that if their partner wasn’t jealous then that would somehow mean that they weren’t loved by them.

This is absolutely clownshit crazy to me. It’s controlling and manipulative. It creates unnecessary drama and fighting. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person. And to be honest, it’s demeaning. If my girlfriend cannot trust me to be around other attractive women by myself, then it implies that she believes that I’m either a) a liar, or b) incapable of controlling my impulses. In either case, that’s a woman I do not want to be dating.

What You Should Do Instead: Trust your partner. It’s a radical idea, I know. Some jealousy is natural. But excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you. Because otherwise you are only going to eventually push that person away.

6. Buying the Solutions to Relationship Problems

original What It Is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere.



My parents were experts at this one. And it got them real far: a big fat divorce and 15 years of hardly speaking to each other since. They have both since independently told me that this was the primary problem in their marriage: continuously covering up their real issues with superficial pleasures.

Why It’s Toxic: Not only does it brush the real problem under the rug (where it willalways re-emerge from even worse the next time), but it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship. This is not a gender-specific problem, but I will use the traditional gendered situation as an example. Let’s imagine that whenever a woman gets angry at her boyfriend/husband, the man makes everything “solves” the issue by buying the woman something nice, or taking her to a nice restaurant or something. Not only does this give the woman unconscious incentive to find more reasons to be upset with the man, but it also gives the man absolutely no incentive to actually be accountable for the problems in the relationship. So what do you end up with? A checked-out husband who feels like an ATM, and an incessantly bitter woman who feels unheard.

What You Should Do Instead: Actually, you know, deal with the problem. Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Someone feels ignored or unappreciated? Talk about ways to restore those feelings of appreciation. Communicate!

There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for a significant other after a fight to show solidarity and to reaffirm commitment. But one should never use gifts or fancy things toreplace dealing with the underlying emotional issues. Gifts and trips are supposed are called luxuries for a reason, you only get to appreciate them when everything else is already good. If you use them to cover up your problems, then you will find yourself with a much bigger problem down the line.