Jewish Muslim Wedding

Rabbi Gershon and Mike Ghouse officiated a Muslim Jewish interfaith marriage on Saturday, 8/24/19- both of them seamlessly officiated the wedding.

It has been a blessing to unite over 80 couples, and thank God for the guidance to have delivered sermons in both the faith traditions of the couples.

God created the world in harmony, and the universe runs on a precisely programmed trajectory. All that he/she/it wants is that we preserve and manage that harmony. Indeed, God puts love between two souls, which brings them together, and the fulfillment of that relationship comes thru the marriage.

Like the birds, and whales that travel thousands of miles to their nesting place, God also has built-in GPS in humans that bring them together. India’s famous poet, Ghalib had said, love happens, there is no reason or rhyme to it, nor there any criteria, individuals fall in love and come together like they were meant to be. Indeed by marrying, they bring fulfillment to their God-given GPS-Love and add to the harmony of the world.

Religions don’t marry each other; individuals do. The Rabbi and I officiated the interfaith wedding for this beautiful couple. GOD BLESS THEM, Amen.

Can a Muslim Woman Marry a non-Muslim? 
Please read the full chapter in the book, American Muslim Agenda, available from Amazon, Barnes & Nobles and Kindle. 

INTERFAITH MARRIAGE IS VERY AMERICAN

Thank God for America, hope for the world, we have always led the world in culture, science, maths, medicine…. and now religion.

Only in the United States, you find Reformed Judaism, reformed Hinduism, reformed Christianity, and reformed Islam (although not pronounced yet, it is here) and reformed other faiths.

Children can be raised in both faiths and let them choose which way they want to go when they become adults.

The purpose of religion was to create societies where men and women, people of different faiths, young and old and different races, ethnicities, cultures and others uniqueness live in harmony, and securely. That is all God wants – he crated the world precisely and in harmony, he wants us to maintain it. Religions are the instruments to achieve that.

America is the place, and other nations will follow us over a decade.

Why do Children have to follow parents faith or culture? What is the need, let them live their lives in the pursuit of their happiness.

Mike Ghouse
Interfaith Wedding Officiant
ww.InterfaithMarriages.org

George Clooney Explains Why Marriage to Amal Alamuddin Is Going So Well

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Courtesy Vanity Fairy

By Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

The newlyweds have a few ground rules.

BY 

• JULIE MILLER

It's hard to believe that it has been a year and a half since George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin in Venice, Italy—putting an elegant canal-side end to his storied bachelor years. But eighteen months have lapsed, and despite the very busy careers of Mr. and Mrs. Clooney—which span international law, political activism, and filmmaking, and take both spouses around the globe on a regular basis—marriage seems to be going swimmingly. In a new interview, the Oscar winner even reveals some of his secrets to a strong first year and change of wedded bliss.

“We have a rule whereby we are never apart for more than a week,” the filmmaker tells Hello!(via Us Weekly). “We also stay in touch via social media, so we try to keep close even if we’re in different parts of the world.”

(We presume that Clooney is referring to video-chat services but may we take a moment to imagine Clooney chuckling while crafting bunny-eared Snapchats for Amal while sitting in traffic.)

Fortunately, the globe-trotting couple has homes in various corners of the world. And Clooney reveals that each of their houses has their perks for the couple.

“We have a place in London now where it’s easy for us to spend a lot of time together and I can work on new film projects—writing, reading scripts,” Clooney says, presumably referring to the country home 50 miles outside of London that is reportedly decked out with a spa and theater and is where the couple spent their honeymoon. “Or we can go to Lake Como,” the star adds, of his longtime tranquil Italian retreat (photographed here).

When neither London nor Lake Como will do, Clooney explains that the couple can “spend time in Los Angeles.” Of course, that home base is more of Clooney's, as the filmmaker explains that they hole up there “when I need to have meetings for my acting work, or hang around with some of my friends.”

“It takes some planning, but it’s actually been working out very well for us,” Clooney says, adding that mister and missus have a strurdy marital foundation. “We have a very strong connection and she’s an extraordinary woman doing great work. . .We’re both committed and share a common concern for causes like the refugee crisis, but what really brings us together as a couple is the fact that we’re good friends and we enjoy each other’s company.”

Last month, Clooney revealed how he proposed to his lawyer love interest. The two were at home—although which one, we're not sure—after he'd cooked a nice dinner, started playing his aunt Rosemary Clooney’s song “Why Shouldn’t I,” and hidden the engagement ring in a place where she would find undoubtedly find it.

Alas, his plans went awry when, “Amal got up to do the dishes. Which she's never done,” Clooney said. When she finally returned from the kitchen, she discovered the ring but didn't quite realize what was happening. “She looks at it and she's like, ‘It’s a ring’—like as if somebody had left it there some other time.” The whole bungled proposal lasted about 25 minutes, Clooney said, before he ended up just plead[ing] mercy—“I need an answer. I’m 52 and I could throw out my hip pretty soon.”

Last September, the couple celebrated their first wedding anniversary—reportedly by having a low-key dinner at the Sunset Tower Hotel’s Tower Bar in West Hollywood. Although the 10 P.M. meal was “quiet,” the source who phoned in the report added that both were in celebratory moods, sipping champagne and decked out in appropriately glamorous movie-star finery. Not that we would expect anything less from Mr. and Mrs. Clooney.

Interfaith barriers and interfaith marriages

Interfaith barriers and interfaith marriages   | InterfaithSpeaker.com 

By the end of 2020, there will not be a major city in America, and perhaps in the world, where you will not find people of different faiths, cultures, ethnicities, races, nationalities and social backgrounds working, eating, playing, marrying, and doing things together.

We need to prepare ourselves for those eventualities to prevent possible conflicts, and lay a good foundation for nurturing goodwill and effective functioning of the societies. Exclusive communities will become a thing of the past.  If you live amidst others, you must also respect the otherness of others, as you expect them to do the same for you.

An ideal society is where, no individual has to live in apprehension or fear of the other, live his or her own life and let others live theirs. If we can learn to accept the otherness of others, and respect the God given uniqueness of each one of the 7 billion of us, then conflicts fade and solutions emerge. 

Marriage is such a choice, it is between two individuals. I admire the interfaith couples who were raised with different values, different customs and traditions, but yet, willing to set the example by working, living and marrying together, and importantly living with their uniquness. 

It is disappointing to many a religiously oriented first-time marrying couples. Their clergy or a parent invariably insists that the other person to convert to their faith tradition, some do, and some fake it and some are not comfortable with the idea at all.

When a couple is deeply committed to marry, they go ahead and get married any way but sorely miss out on the ceremony. Over the years, I have seen too many couples miss out on the joy of that additional sense of completeness that comes with a religious ceremony. Marriage is between two individuals, and their families and friends ought to be supporters and cheerleaders to celebrate and complete their joy.

As a Pluralist, I have chosen to officiate the weddings of such couples to reflect the essence of Bride and Groom's tradition. I laud such couples who embrace genuine humanity by respecting the otherness of other, and accepting each other's uniqueness. If the couple prefers to please the religiosity of their parents, relatives and friends, the sermon would include reflections and essence of the faith of the couple.

I am blessed to have performed some uniquely beautiful combination of weddings; Jewish Bride and a Christian groom; Muslim bride and Jain groom, Hindu Bride and Muslim groom, Christians Bride and Atheist groom..... it was such a joy to see their families cheer at the end.

I had a difficult father of a Christian groom who was vehemently against the Hindu girl marrying without conversion, he did not even want to be a part of the wedding, but I felt, a good heart to heart conversation will make a dent, and it did. The man who did not talk with his son for two months and did not want to be a part of the wedding was greatful for the semblance of Christian wedding and then hung out with the kids for celebrations. Oh, there are lots of good stories to share.

By the way, officiating wedding is not my business, I do it for the joy for fulfilling the religious needs of the couples. 

"We provide all people the ability to celebrate marriage and other religious functions according to their beliefs. We believe that this is an innate human right and is also protected by the 1st Amendment. Our values come from the understanding that all people, whether religious or not, have deep personal values and should be treated with respect, acceptance, and understanding."

Marriage is a celebration that brings people together, and we want to extend that ethos further by being a church comprised of a wide cross-section of people that have found common ground in the service of bringing people together.

I am comfortable with every one of God's creation, here is one such expression. 

You may be anxious to express the same sentiments that I have expressed here, and I hope this note assures you and I for who we are. A majority of us are moderates, meaning individuals who want to get along with others, mind our own business, not judge others until we have the first hand knowledge, respect the otherness of others and wish the very best for others. The moderates believe in the Golden rule, treat others as you want to be treated. Moderates is not a group of people, it is the attitude of individuals, you and I can be a moderate most of the times, all the times and a few times.

You will find me in the company of people who are on the extreme right, left and the center, liberals and conservatives,  progressives and regressives,  religious and atheists, gays and straight, republicans and democrats, communists and capitalists, and enemies and friends.

Mother Teresa is one of my ten mentors, and she had said something to the effect that, "If you want to make peace with those who differ, go talk with them, talking with friends will not change the equation." I strongly believe in it and am driven by it.

Please don’t fall in to the trap of judging me because who I am with, God has blessed me with the wisdom to have strong convictions, but be open to knowledge.  I remain who I am, and you are who you are,  and I will always make an effort to know the other. The more we know about the others, the fewer the conflicts we will have. We have to take the time to understand other’s fears and aspirations to find solutions.

A few people I knew did not want to invite me to speak in their gatherings,  because I was on Sean Hannity show, they did not even hear what I say on the show,  but drew their own conclusions. The other day I posted a picture with Ayaan Hirsi Ali and got some nasty e-mails for being with her. I was surprised even Katrina Lantos of US Human Rights agency is perceived negatively.  Once I defended Pamela Geller's right to speak in London that produced a lot of hate mail. On the other hand, I have vigorously defended CAIR on Hannity and other shows, and the right did not like that either.

A month ago, I was standing with a man who wore a hateful T-shirt against LGBT community, a few people chewed me out for merely standing with him, and of course, I speak out.  A few months ago, I was with a Bicyclist who made from San Francisco to Washington defending the rights of the Unificationist church members who are being persecuted, I was called names for associating with the ministry of Rev. Sung Myung Moon, what do they know about him?   Just a week ago, some one wrote 'ugly' emails for standing up for the rights of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community.  One of these day, if I live on, I will chronicle these incidents. Don't laugh, every groups has men and women who are sadly misinformed. There is one from every faith group from Atheist to Zoroastrians and every one in between, and there is from every race and ethnicity as well.  No one can cast the first stone, Jesus was right!

Some of us will always be searching (consciously and subconsciously) and working to free ourselves from malice and prejudice, indeed,  it is liberating and brings genuine peace of mind.

We held symposiums about the Genocides around the world, as many as we can, the Indians were ticked off because we talked about Sikh Genocide and the Gujarat Massacre which happened in India, but the Pakistanis were happy about it.  When we talked about the Bangladesh Genocides, the Indians were happy as it reflected badly on Pakistan, and when we talked about the harassment of Hindu minorities in Bangladesh, a few Muslims were ticked off, and when we talked about the plight of Kashmiri Pundits, there was no appreciation from a few Hindu friends.  Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) had said, standing up for Justice is one of the most important values and the right thing to do,  if you cannot stop it, the least you can do is speak up, the Prophet was right! 

I have stood up with the Jewish community at three Synagogues, Jewish Post, Jewish Schools and Holocaust Museum when Pastor Fred Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church held his hateful rallies in Dallas, and within a few months I stood up with the people of Gaza in a rally in downtown Dallas. Was I against Jews or in support of Jews?  Neither, I was there for the human rights of individuals regardless of who they were.  (Google search for articles and pictures).  Can I stop people from misunderstanding me?  Check outwww.HolocaustandGenocides.com  and www.Standingupforothers.com

Do all Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Christians and others act that way? Hell no! Only those who have not understood the value the human rights of others act like that.  They have also not outgrown out of the selfishness they are obsessed with. While we talk about the Genocides of one, they scream out loud, what about me without even taking the time to see if they were included or not.

We did a skit in one of the programs where the (actor) son screams 'what about me and my problems?' He continues to whine about being ignored…. Then the father (actor) walks up and slaps him and tells him, I did not teach you to be that selfish to the point of not seeing others difficulties and quit screaming about your own, quit the me-me-and-the-me attitude.  Lord Krishna had said in Bhagvad Gita, finding the truth is your own responsibility, and truth shall set you free. Krishna was right!

I played the son, and it was difficult for me to find anyone to play father or mother and slap the son on the stage. Americans just don't do that, it is our culture. I talked to Rev. Petra Weldes, my sister in spirituality, she said, she would have loved to slap me. Petra, you will get that opportunity, LOL!
   

Our communities and the world would be a better place to live if we value our rights as humans first. Let’s look at each other as fellow beings, which we are, and not look down upon what they eat, drink, wear and believe or how they appear.  

We have crystallized the definition of pluralism to mean, “Respecting the otherness of the others and accepting the uniqueness of each one of us”. Pluralism is nothing but an attitude of live and let live, and it is applicable in every aspect of life including culture, society, religion, politics, gender, food, ethnicity, race and other uniqueness’s.

You are who you are, and I am who I am. As long as we don't mess with each other’s space, sustenance and nurturence, and mind our own business, we all will do well.  If we can learn to respect the otherness of other and accept the God-given uniqueness of each one of the seven billion of us, then conflicts fade and solutions emerge. 

Every religion is beautiful and is committed to teach us all to learn to live with each other with least conflicts. A majority of the followers of each religion get that right, a few don't. It is our responsibility to reach them out, the allay their fears about others. The Torah says, don't look down on strangers, for once we were strangers too, indeed Torah is right!Pluralism is not a set of rules, it is simply the attitude of live and let live religiously, politically, culturally and socially.  We are committed to building cohesive societies, where no human has to live in apprehension, discomfort or fear of a fellow being.
I am blessed to be a pluralist with zero bias towards my fellow humans, and
 urge you to read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. You do your part and let others do theirs.  http://www.un.org/en/universal-declaration-human-rights/

Please don't judge me for who I am with, as I plan to be with every one of God's creation.

Mike Ghouse
Text or Talk at (214) 325-1916

Dr. Mike Ghouse is a community consultant, social scientist, thinker, writer, news maker, and a speaker on Pluralism, Interfaith, Islam, politics, terrorism, human rights, India, Israel-Palestine and foreign policy. He is committed to building cohesive societies and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day. Visit him in 63 links at www.MikeGhouse.net for his writings at TheGhousediary.com and several blogs listed there in. 

Muslim woman marrying non-Muslims

I've an article pending for nearly two years, and it's written in identical language to this piece by Dr. Khaled Abou El Fadl.  Now that, I've read this, I'll have to acknowledge similarities when I publish my piece. 

I see Islam as a system to build cohesive societies,  where all religions equally perform the task of creating such societies. In that larger context, and in reference to the word Ummah used originally to mean 'all',  interfaith marriages fall under the larger umbrella of humanity, which Islam calls 'Aalameen.' Let me reiterate, God is rabbul Aalameen (creator of the Universe) , prophet is Rahmatul Aalameen (Mercy to everything that exists in that universe; people and environment)  and we should rise above our pigeon holes and become muklooqul Aalameen ( Universal beings) with no barriers. We have to overcome the soft barriers between one human and the other, marriage between two different individuals is the best anti-dote to conflicts, they set the example, and establish new standards in respecting the otherness of others and accepting the God given uniqueness of each one to create the cohesive universe that God wills for us to work on.

Requesting others to see your point of view is always a necessity, but there shall be no compulsion, and the best way to move forward is respecting the otherness of others, which is the essence of Sura Kafirun- here is my understanding of the chapter.  http://quraan-today.blogspot.com/2008/07/sura-kafirun-un-believers.html and here is another video on Pluralism in Islam - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7Tyt7raIXM

Mike Ghouse
Interfaith wedding officiant
Washington, DC
(214) 325-1916

LETTER 1 of 2

As-Salaam-Alaikum:

I don't mean to bother you but this is disturbing my mind and I need an educated explanation.

I was at a Muslim Sister's Fashion Show (predominately African American sisters) when during casual conversation a young sister (mid 20s) stated that her husband is Christian. This as you can image created quite a stir. She was immediately verbally attacked. She tried to defend herself by saying that he did not prohibit her from practicing Islam and he has agreed that the children will be Muslim. She was advised to divorce him.

I don't know if they were married and she converted or if she was already Muslim when they married. She was under such a heavy attack that I could not get that question in. However this issue is one that I need to understand because I can't adequately explain why there is a prohibition for the Muslim female in marrying from the people of the book and there is no prohibition for the Muslim male. More often than not I hear all non Muslims classified as kufar.

The only explanation I can provide is that the Quran specifies that the male can marry a Christian or Jewish woman. Since he is the head of the household the expectation is that he will respect her rights and the children will take his religion. Really in actuality from what I've seen this is not the case. The woman has so much pressure put on her to abandon her beliefs that she eventually gives in or gets out of the marriage.

I have been asked does the Quran specifically prohibit the Muslim woman from marrying a Christian or Jewish male. My understanding is the only specific prohibition is for polytheist. Am I wrong?

This is a big issue for African Americans especially because of the rate of conversion. There are instances where the husband converts and the wife does not. This is not seen as a problem. However there are instances where the wife converts and the husband does not. It doesn't matter whether they have been together 2 years or 20 years, the advice the sister receives is to divorce him.

Then there are the cases of sisters whose preference is to marry within their race but there are not enough suitable African American Muslim men at least in this city. They resign themselves to being celibate forever.

When I say suitable African American Muslim men, I mean those who are knowledgeable about the Deen and truly strive to practice it, those who have truly accepted the role and responsibilities of the Muslim male and do not demand that the woman provide more financially for them than they provide for her, those who are not extremist, those who have not been married and divorced 3, 4 or 5 times with children all over the place, those who are not trying to have several wives when they can't afford to take care of one, etc. This is airing dirty laundry but so be it, this is our harsh reality.

[Name withheld for privacy]

****************************************

Al-salamu 'alaykum sister:

First I should apologize for the long time it has taken me to respond to your message. As you might have heard, I have been rather ill. But on a happier note, recently we were blessed with a wonderful baby boy.

But I should confess that there is another reason for the delay. This is a difficult issue to deal with. I did receive a large number of inquiries about this same issue, and I have tended to avoid responding to them because I am not exactly very excited about handling this weighty and serious problem.

Surprising to me, all schools of thought prohibited a Muslim woman from marrying a man who is a kitabi (among the people of the book). I am not aware of a single dissenting opinion on this, which is rather unusual for Islamic jurisprudence because Muslim jurists often disagreed on many issues, but this is not one of them.

All jurists agreed that a Muslim man or woman may not marry a mushrik [one who associates partners with God--there is a complex and multi-layered discourse on who is to be considered a mushrik, but we will leave this for a separate discussion]. However, because of al-Ma'ida verse 5, there is an exception in the case of a Muslim man marrying a kitabiyya. There is no express prohibition in the Qur'an or elsewhere about a Muslim woman marrying a kitabi. However, the jurists argued that since express permission was given to men, by implication women must be prohibited from doing the same. The argument goes: If men needed to be given express permission to marry a kitabiyya, women needed to be given express permission as well, but since they were not given any such permission then they must be barred from marrying a kitabi.

The justification for this rule was two-fold: 1) Technically, children are given the religion of their father, and so legally speaking, the offspring of a union between a Muslim male and a kitabiyya would still be Muslim; 2)It was argued that Muslim men are Islamically prohibited from forcing their wives to become Muslim. Religious coercion is prohibited in Islam. However, in Christianity and Judaism a similar prohibition against coercion does not exist. According to their own religious law, Muslim jurists argued, Christian men may force their Muslim wives to convert to their (the husbands') religion. Put differently, it was argued, Islam recognizes Christianity and Judaism as valid religions, but Judaism and Christianity do not recognize the validity of Islam as a religion. Since it was assumed that the man is the stronger party in a marriage, it was argued that Christian and Jewish men will be able to compel their Muslim wives to abandon Islam. (If a Muslim man would do the same, he would be violating Islamic law and committing a grave sin).

Importantly, the Hanafi, Maliki, and Shafi'i jurists held that it is reprehensible (makruh) for Muslim men to marry a kitabiyya if they live in non-Muslim countries. They argued that in non-Muslim countries, mothers will be able to influence the children the most. Therefore, there is a high likelihood that the children will not grow up to be good Muslims unless both parents are Muslim. Some jurists even went as far as saying that Muslim men are prohibited from marrying a kitabiyya if they live in non-Muslim countries.

This is the law as it exists or the legal legacy as we inherited it. In all honesty, personally, I am not convinced that the evidence prohibiting Muslim women from marrying a kitabi is very strong. Muslim jurists took a very strong position on this matter--many of them going as far as saying if a Muslim woman marries a kitabi she is as good as an apostate. I think, and God knows best, that this position is not reasonable and the evidence supporting it is not very strong. However, I must confess that in my humble opinion, I strongly sympathize with the jurists that argued that in non-Muslim countries it is reprehensible (makruh) for a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim. God knows best--I have reached this position after observing that the children of these Muslim/non-Muslim marriages in most cases do not grow up with a strong sense of their Islamic identity. It seems to me that in countries like the U.S. it is best for the children if they grow up with a Muslim father and mother. I am not comfortable telling a Muslim woman marrying a kitabi that she is committing a grave sin and that she must terminate her marriage immediately. I do tell such a woman that she should know that by being married to a kitabi that she is acting against the weight of the consensus; I tell her what the evidence is; and then I tell her my own ijtihad on the matter (that it is makruh for both men and women in non-Muslim countries). After telling her all of this, I add that she must always remember that only God knows best; that she should reflect on the matter as hard as she can; then she should pray and plead for guidance from God; and then ultimately she must do what her conscience dictates.

I hope this response helps answer your question. I pray to God to guide us both to what He pleases and wants, and that He helps the sister you wrote me about to find peace and tranquility with whatever decision she makes. God is the best guide and mentor--may He forgive our sins and bless us with His Compassion and Mercy.

With my sincere regards,

Shaykh Khaled Abou El Fadl

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LETTER 2 of 2

Good Evening, Sheikh:

I'm a 23-year old Muslim woman living in the U.S. I have a question regarding my relationship with a man I love after reading your post about the Christian Man and Muslim Woman post.

Here's a little background first: The man I love was born to a Muslim father and a Jewish mother. The father left when he was 1 year old and returned to his home country. He was raised by his mother and so, he was raised Jewish. He even changed his last name from his fathers last name to his mothers. Both of my parents are Muslim. Me and this man would like to get married in the coming years but we're facing a lot of pushback, mostly from my father. Obviously my father wants us to have a proper Muslim marriage but being that he is Jewish, my parents think that no sheikh will want to marry us. I've asked a sheikh before and his advice was to move on and forget this chapter of my life. How can I move on and forget the love of my life just because his father decided to leave? He could have very well stayed and this man would have been a Muslim. So because of his Muslim fathers irresponsible actions, we can't be happy ? I just need an answer to this question: how can I marry this man in a halal way? We both believe in one God and we're both good people who do right by others and our parents. I wouldn't ask him to convert, not only is coercion wrong in our religion but I also would not want him to lose the woman who raised him as a single mother.

Please advise. Thanks.

(Name Withheld for Privacy)

************************************

Dear Sister,

Al-salamu 'alaykum. Since I do not know you personally, most of what I have to say I have said in this statement: http://www.scholarofthehouse.org/oninma.html.

But to be directly responsive to your question, do I believe that a woman who marries outside of the Muslim faith is a kafir? The answer is no, I do not. Do I believe that it is advisable to marry someone outside the faith? No, I do not. In religious terms, it is among the issues that I would consider makruh (disfavored) for both Muslim men and Muslim women. This is based on a sociological reality that children who grow up with parents not sharing the same faith grow up in a state of confusion, which they resolve often by being faithless. Or if they have any faith, it tends to simply be agnostic. In my over 30 years in the West, working in case after case, all stories begin with love, dreams, and high hopes. Ten, twenty, thirty years later, from my experience and the experience of so many that I have dealt with, the ending is not happy.

There is a quintessential and fundamental question that every man and woman should ask himself/herself. Personally, I cannot be married to someone with whom I cannot pray, fast, celebrate Eid, and perform all my other religious duties. My faith is of such importance to me that I must be able to share it with my partner. In a marriage, you share your body, money, heart, and perhaps your soul. The question you must ask yourself is: Is religion less important or more important to you than all of these things? To me, Islam and its practices are more basic and fundamental than my money, body, heart, or soul. I cherish it more than these things. If I am married to someone with whom I cannot share what I hold the dearest, I feel that I am cheating them, and that the relationship is superficial and insincere. Add to this the position in which the children will be placed as they try to navigate the issues of truth and lack thereof in our modern world.

The only advice I can give you is to ask yourself what role does your faith play in your life? Will you be happy if you are unable to submit to God with your partner according to the teachings of Islam? And how important is it to you that your children are raised firm in their conviction about prayer, fasting, the shahada, and all the other essentials of the faith? Only you can provide the necessary honesty in responding to these questions. When all is said and done, whatever your decision is, I sincerely pray with all my heart that Allah blesses you, aids you, guides you, and that you have success and happiness in your life. And when all is said and done, it is only Allah that can judge you, your intentions and your actions. As is my firm conviction, only Allah knows best.

Al-salamu 'alaykum wa rahmatu Allah,

Shaykh Khaled Abou El Fadl

Interfaith Marriages of Saif Alik Khan and Kareena Kapoor

Its a joy for me to read about  interfaith marriages where people respect the otherness of others, and accept the God given uniqueness of each one ... my standard sentence for 15 years. Did you see Saif Ali Khan used the same sentences but shortened?

The source of publication is not known, but I know about the actor and his parents. India has a long list of celebrities and politicians marrying interfaith.

Mike Ghouse

# # #

Saif Ali Khan, for those who may not know, is the son of actress Sharmila Tagore and cricketer the Nawab of Pataudi.

Below are his musings about religion, faith, God, politics, and modern society.

Intermarriage in India.

Written by Saif Ali Khan | Posted: October 15, 2014 2:20 am

I am the son of a sportsman, I grew up in England, Bhopal, Pataudi, Delhi and Mumbai, and I am more Indian than any Hindu or Muslim I know because I am both. I wrote this piece not to comment on the masses or the problems of communalism in India and its villages, but because this is an issue that concerns my friends and their families.

It wasn’t peacefully accepted by anyone, initially, when my parents wanted to marry. The royals had their issues; the Brahmins theirs. And, of course, extremists on both religious sides issued death threats. But the marriage still happened — the fact that my grandmother also had to fight to marry the not-as-wealthy and therefore not-so-suitable nawab of Pataudi might have helped things along. We grew up on real-life romantic stories about our elders marrying for love and not worrying too much about tradition. And we were brought up to believe that god is one, with many names.

When Kareena and I married, there were similar death threats, with people on the Net saying ridiculous things about “love jihad”. We follow whatever religion or spiritual practice we believe in. We talk about them and respect each other’s views. I hope our children will do the same.

I have prayed in church and attended mass with Kareena, while she has bowed her head at dargahs and prayed in mosques. When we purified our new home, we had a havan and a Quran reading and a priest sprinkling holy water — no chances taken!

What is religion? What is faith? Does a perfect definition exist? I don’t know. But I know doubt. I’m intrigued by the politics of doubt. Doubt gives us faith. Doubt keeps us questioning what keeps us alive. If we become sure of something, then there is a danger of becoming fanatical.

Religion needs to be separated from a lot of things. Our religions are based on fear. The Old Testament spoke of a Promised Land for a people, but there were people already living there. The problem is still burning today. There have been too many atrocities committed in the name of god.

I know good people are scared of marrying their daughters to Muslims. They fear conversion, quick divorces, multiple marriages — basically, it suits the boys a bit more than the girls. All this is undoubtedly outdated. A lot of Islam needs to modernise and renew itself in order to be relevant. We also need a loud moderate voice to separate the good from the evil. Islam today is more unpopular than it has ever been. This is a great shame to me, as I have always thought of Islam as the moon, the desert, calligraphy and flying carpets, the thousand and one nights. I have always thought about it as a religion of peace and submission. As I grew older, I saw religion twisted and used so badly by men that I distanced myself from all man-made religion. I choose to be as spiritual as I can be.

Anyway, I digress. The good news is that no one needs to convert from their religion to get married. The Special Marriage Act, when applicable, is the paramount law of the land. If you marry under this, it is upheld over any religious law. It is truly secular.

The fabric of India is woven from many threads — English, Muslim, Hindu and many others. A major concern in today’s India is that we keep deleting our past. To say Muslims don’t have a role in India is denying their importance and contribution. It is like saying women don’t have a part to play in India. Why do we need to deny Islam? It’s what we are. We come with our mix. To deny this is to cheat us of our inheritance. I don’t know what “love jihad” is. It is a complication created in India. I know intermarriages because I am a child of one and my children are born out of it. Intermarriage is not jihad. Intermarriage is India. India is a mix. Ambedkar said the only way to annihilate caste is intermarriage. It is only through intermarriage that the real Indians of tomorrow can be truly equipped to take our nation forward with the right perspective. I am the product of such a mixed marriage and my life has been full of Eid and Holi and Diwali. We were taught to do adaab and namaste with equal reverence.

It is sad that too much importance is given to religion, and not enough to humanity and love. My children were born Muslim but they live like Hindus (with a pooja ghar at home), and if they wanted to be Buddhist, they would have my blessing.

That’s how we were brought up.

We are a blend, this great country of ours. It is our differences that make us who we are. We need to get beyond mere tolerance. We need to accept and respect and love each other.

We are most certainly not a secular country. The intention was to become one and our Constitution has provided every framework to make that possible. But, more than six decades on, we have still not separated religion from the law. To make matters worse, different laws apply to different people, making it impossible for us to think as one. There are different laws for Hindus and different laws for Muslims. This is bound to create trouble.

I think we should have one law for all Indians, a uniform civil code, and we should all think of ourselves as one nation. All our religions must come later and be by the way. Teach our children about God and his thousand names, but first we must teach them respect and love of their fellow man. That is more important.

I stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy first, then Santa Claus, and finally, I really don’t know what I feel about a personal god. But I believe in love and in trying to be good and helping the world. I don’t always succeed and then I feel bad. My conscience is my god, I think, and it tells me that that one tree in Pataudi near which my father is buried is closer to god than any temple, church or mosque.

Saif Ali Khan is an actor and producer

31 Ways To Know You're In The Right Relationship

A good piece!
Good signs of knowing the relationship

Mike Ghouse

 
Courtesy of Huffington Post

 margaret.johnson@huffingtonpost.com

 

As anyone living in the age of depressing divorce rates knows, a happy long-term couple is almost like a unicorn: If by some miracle you encounter it, you can't stop staring, and you have a feeling no one will ever believe you when you tell them you saw it.

The Internet is filled with articles on how to decide when to end it, how to recognize when your relationship is toxic, codependent, one-sided, stagnant, asexual, manipulative. But we don't talk all that often about what defines a happy relationship. Picture it: You're dating someone new. You're waiting to feel the toxic stagnant codependency. Where is it? Months go by. Still nothing. At some point a corner of your brain dares register the thought: Could this be one of those? Could I actually be happy?
To help you answer that question, you lucky thing, here's a completely unscientific list of 31 ways to know you're in the right relationship:

You don't...

1. Fear it.
If you're afraid of commitment, best to work that out before you put yourself in a situation where it's hoped you'll eventually commit.

2. Hide anything more significant than a surprise party from each other.
That includes exes, cheating, debt, STDs, chronic illness, felonies, whether you want a marriage and/or children, genetic abnormalities (if you both want kids), a strong desire to live somewhere else, professional failures and successes, doubts about your sexual orientation, a strong preference for un-vanilla sex.
The truth will come out, and if you're with someone you feel the need to conceal any of this from, he or she probably isn't right.

3. Snoop.
If no one's hiding anything, why are you looking? Going through your significant other's email, phone, Facebook account, or journal strongly indicates that you don't trust the person you're with. You're also violating his or her trust in you.

4. Hide the relationship from other people in your life.
If you're unwilling to introduce the person you're dating at appropriate junctures to the most important people in your life, that's usually a bright, flapping red flag.
In general, if you have a good thing going, you can't wait for him or her to meet your friends, siblings, parents, the guy at the deli, and you wouldn't have any qualms about presenting this person to professional acquaintances, people you knew in college, family friends, even your ex.

5. Think you're superior.
If you feel that your significant other is your inferior in any way you know matters to you in a mate -- morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally -- you're never going to respect him or her as much as you hope to be respected.
The best relationships make you feel that you've convinced a person more exceptional than you to love you.

6. Resent the other person's success.
Professional jealousy can be as poisonous to a relationship as constantly thinking he or she is flirting with your best friend. It also suggests that you're spending a lot of time comparing yourself to a person you supposedly adore, rather than sitting back and marveling at how amazing he or she is. In a good relationship, you quit (or refuse to ever engage in) the one-upmanship.

7. Let any substance or behavior come before the relationship.
Any addict or over-user of a substance or behavior is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more.

8. Stew.
When something the other person does annoys you or turns you off, you don't push it to the back of your mind and hope it will go away, because it won't. You bring it up in the moment or sometime in the next 24 hours.

9. Damage property, animals, children or each other during an argument.
You think this goes without saying until you read something like this New York Times "Modern Love" and realize that human beings can rationalize staying with someone who leaves holes in their walls.
On the other hand, if you damage a vase or two in the heat of a different kind of passion, totally fine.

10. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people.
You know which conversations you shouldn't be having at brunch with friends.

11. Depend on each other for things no one can or should supply.
If you're looking to your significant other to resolve your emotional issues, make you more responsible/successful/adult, support you financially, improve your social standing, expand your group of friends, provide you with the family you never had, or make your parents finally accept you, it's possible you shouldn't be in a relationship at all, or at least not yet.

12. Begrudge each other time with your respective friends.
You can't be everything to your significant other, and why would you want to be? Sounds exhausting. Friends enrich your life, will accompany you to do things that your significant other may not enjoy, and keep you from getting tired of the person you're seeing.
Besides, if the relationship doesn't work out, those friends going to be the ones coming over to your house, dragging you out of bed and helping you rejoin humanity. Be good to them.

13. Lose Yourself
This is easier said than done, especially when the relationship is going really well. As tempting as it is to never leave the house (maybe never leave the bed), you keep doing the work, exercise, volunteering, socializing, networking, and daughtering you were doing before. Remember, these things made you the person Your Person fell in love with. They're part of you. Don't give them up for anyone. You can't afford it.

14. Have a secret plan B.
If you're where you need to be, the following thoughts don't cross your mind: "Maybe he'll dump me," or "If my ex moves back from Mongolia, everything could change."

15. Have much drama.
You know the cliche: The person worth your tears won't make you cry. Usually.
You do...

16. Put it all on the line.
If you're not risking having your heart broken, you're not doing it right.

17. Respect the people he or she is closest to.

You don't have to love them, but you should think they are honest and moral and have integrity. Want to know you're with a good person? Look to the people he or she thinks are good people.

18. Inspire each other to be better.
A good relationship is galvanizing, not in the oh-my-god-I-met-this-amazing-person-I'd-better-hurry-up-and-fix-myself sense (thought there's probably a little of that when you first start seeing anyone amazing) but in the way that knowing someone else believes in you makes you believe in yourself that much more. You want to prove yourself worthy of his or her confidence.

19. Humble yourselves.
You know you can't hide your flaws for long, so you don't try. You recognize that this person is going to have to take you as you are, as foolish or charitable (or both) as that may seem to make him or her. You know you're both going to mess up endless times and have to apologize and be forgiven and forgive. You'll wonder if one of the bigger mistakes is the one that will end it, and you'll have to prove to one another that the relationship transcends that. You recognize that you signed up for all of this.

20. Talk about sex.
Most couples don't instinctively know all of the ways to please each other. You have to talk about -- or at least show -- what you want. If you don't know what you want, you need to figure that out, STAT (step 1? Get thee to Babeland). And after you have talked about it, you do it. Better.

21. Talk about the rest.
The same things you're not supposed to talk about on a blind date -- religion, money, politics, kids -- are things you should discuss with someone you're serious about. What? You just remembered that thing you need to do? Get back here. No one said this was going to be painless. They said it was going to be hard and awesome.

22. Fight.
If you agree on everything, someone's not telling the truth. See #2 and #8.

23. Have times when you don't talk.
Not because you're angry with each other but because you can be quiet together. When you find yourself with silences you don't need to fill, when you find you can just walk along or lie about or work side by side and feel together without needing to verbally affirm that, you've got a good thing going.

24. Have object permanence.
Child psychologist Jean Piaget theorized that when babies get to be 8 or 9 months old, they begin to develop "object permanence," the idea that an object doesn't vanish when they can no longer see it.
In a good adult relationship, you know that you can go out into the world and do your thing, and the bond you've formed with the person you care about will be there when you get back.
This is also known as trust.

25. Take care of your body.
You know that you won't enjoy sharing it with someone else if you don't like, respect, and nurture it. Your partner feels the same way.

26. Divide and conquer.
You're not identical, thank god, which probably means you have certain strengths and he or she has others. Someone is more organized, someone is more outgoing, someone is a born listener. Someone is better with money, someone is more creative. Someone is more adventurous in bed.
If you each play to your strengths, you in all likelihood remember a gift (possibly an inspired one), your home(s) look(s) great, the bills get paid on time, sex is endlessly fun, and you leave everyone at the party thoroughly charmed.

27. Remember to look at each other across the room.
There's nothing more reassuring (or sexier) than glancing up from the interminable conversation with your eighth cousin or the head of operations or the report you can't seem to finish and locking eyes with Your Person and remembering that by some quantity of luck neither of you may deserve, you found each other.

28. Observe.
You notice when the other person is about to lose it, needs to leave even if you've been there only 20 minutes, is talking to someone he or she can't stand, did something he or she feels guilty about, is silently berating himself or herself, is ruminating over the thing his or her boss said, is about to spend an insane amount of money, and best of all, about to crack up in a situation where he or she shouldn't. You pay attention because you care, and because that's the good stuff.

29. Make time.
You realize that if this is it, one of you is going to be around some distant day in the future to lose the other. In that moment, you will not regret not checking your email in this one.

30. Occasionally get over yourself and your cynicism and fear of cliche and do something deeply, unapologetically romantic.

You send the flowers, have the book signed by the author, request the song, write the note, have the damned thing (tastefully) engraved. You call the other person and tell him or her that specific thing he or she did this morning that made you fall that much more in love. When you're not expecting it, he or she dares to say, even though we all know there are no guarantees ever, "When we're X age, want to Y?"

31. Just know.
Reader, marry that.
How do you know when you're in the right relationship? Tweet your thoughts @HuffPostWomen using #marrythat, and we'll include them the slideshow below.

Seven things you don't know about interfaith marriage

I will be posting pieces on interfaith marriages, as I continue to cherish the couples who respect the otherness of others, and continue to conduct weddings for people of all faiths or no faith with sermons to satisfy their own tradition.

Mike Ghouse

Seven things you don't know about interfaith marriage

By Naomi Schaefer Riley

Published April 19, 2013

FoxNews.com
In July 2010, I commissioned a nationally representative survey of 2,500 people, including an oversample of people in interfaith marriages. 

I asked respondents about how old they were when they married, how they were raising their children, how they felt about members of other faiths, how often they attended religious services, and how welcoming they thought their religious communities were to interfaith families, along with dozens of other questions.

The results--combined with interviews I conducted with members of interfaith couples, religious leaders, marriage counselors and academic researchers--appear in my new book "'Til Faith Do Us Part: How Interfaith Marriage is Transforming America." 

Marrying someone of another faith makes you more likely to have a positive impression of that faith as a whole

Here are some highlights:

1. Forty-two percent of marriages in the U.S. are interfaith ones. Marriages between people of two different religions are becoming more common in every area of the country, and for men and women regardless of educational status or income level.  

2. Couples in interfaith marriages are, on average, less happy than same-faith ones. In certain faith-combinations they are more likely to divorce. While roughly a third of all evangelicals’ marriages end up in divorce, that climbs to nearly half for marriages between evangelicals and non-evangelicals. It is especially high for evangelicals married to someone with no religion--61%.

3. Jews are the most likely to marry out and Mormons are the least likely. Muslims, Catholics and Protestants fall somewhere in the middle. As many as 1 in 5 Muslims marries someone of another faith. This seems to be a major driver of the assimilation of American Muslims.

4. Children of interfaith couples are more than twice as likely to adopt the faith of their mother as the faith of their father. Which is not surprising when you think about it. In America, anyway, mothers are typically the ones in charge of family religious practice--they are more likely to attend church, read the Bible and shuttle children to religious school.

5. A quarter of couples in same-faith marriages actually started off in different faith ones. This suggests not only that religion in America is remarkably fluid, but also that spouses can have a powerful influence over one's spiritual choices.

6. The older you are, the more likely you are to marry outside of the faith--67% of people who marry between 36 and 45 are in interfaith marriages. 

As we put off marriage, the time between when we leave our parents home and start our own families grows, and so often does our time away from religious institutions and practice. 

By the time we settle down we may not think of ourselves as particularly religious anymore and we may not consider faith much of an issue in picking a partner.

7. Marrying someone of another faith makes you more likely to have a positive impression of that faith as a whole. And it's not just the couple themselves that is affected. 

Other researchers have found that any kind of contact Americans have with someone of another faith is likely to lead to warmer feelings toward that faith. And so the contact that occurs through an extended family connection is also likely to have this effect.